


Unintended Consequences

by Mythica



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Minor Character Death, Post Season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7515881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythica/pseuds/Mythica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity is still trying to deal with her guilt over Havenrock as the list of the victims is released.  When she recognizes some of the names, she isn't sure if Oliver would ever be able to forgive her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unintended Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> This idea popped into my head when I was thinking about if the writers would have Felicity dealing with the consequences of the Havenrock bombing in the new season. They probably won't. Very little from the previous season ever carries over to the new one. Just as a fair warning, this is not a happy story. I debated for a week whether or not to post it because it's not my normal type of story. I even had it ready to post here and still debated whether or not to do it. It does deal with someone they know dying, so keep that in mind if you decide to read it.

Felicity sighed as she looked at the names on her screen. They had just released the names of the victims of the bombing in Havenrock. She knows she’s just torturing herself by doing it, but she feels a need to put names to all of the people who died. She wants to know who she was responsible for killing.

There were so many names. She knew it would have been more had the bomb hit Monument Point, but just knowing that she had redirected the missile to Havenrock made it her responsibility. Yes, she knew she didn’t launch the missile and yes, she knew what she had done had saved thousands, if not millions of lives, but it didn’t help with her conscious. She could have redirected the missile somewhere else, somewhere where no one lived. Had she had more time, she could have done that, but everything happened so fast. She didn’t have time to determine which was the better direction. She had just picked one… and thousands of people had lost their lives.

Felicity was so focused on going through the names that she didn’t hear Oliver coming up behind her. When he saw what she was looking at, a frown came over his face.

“What are you doing?”

The sound of his voice made her jump as she quickly closed the window and pulled up another. “I… um… I’m still… running those searches,” she stammered. “They uh… should be done… soon.”

“Felicity…”

She tensed when she felt his hand on her shoulder. As she dipped her head, her shoulders slumped, causing him to turn her chair as he squatted down in front of her. He didn’t say anything, but he gripped her hands, just waiting for her to respond.

“The names were released today,” she told him as she looked down at their joined hands.

Oliver sighed as he gripped her hand tightly. “Havenrock?”

Felicity nodded as she took a deep breath and looked up at him with tear soaked eyes. “I had to know,” she told him as a tear slid down her face.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he reassured her as he looked into her eyes. He had told her that on numerous occasions, but he knew she still didn’t believe him. “You saved…”

“… thousands more,” she completed before turning back to look at her computer. “I know. That doesn’t negate the fact that if it wasn’t for me, those people would still be alive. Who am I to play God?”

“No one accused you of playing God,” he told her, keeping his grip on her hand. “You had seconds to make a life or death decision. You made the right choice.”

“I could have done better,” she told him, as she clicked on a window, pulling up a map of Monument Point and the surrounding areas. “If I had chosen to divert it to the south west, no one would have died.”

Oliver looked at the map and saw that the area south west of Monument Point appeared to be devoid of a city. “You don’t know that,” he told her. “Just because there isn’t a city there doesn’t mean people don’t live there.”

“It’s a swamp,” she clarified. “No one lives there.”

“Felicity… hey.” Oliver spun her back to him, but she didn’t meet his eyes. Lifting his hand to her chin, he forced her eyes up so that she was looking at him. “Don’t do this to yourself. You don’t deserve it.”

“I have to know, Oliver,” she told him. “I have to know.”

Oliver sighed as he squeezed her hand gently. He knew that this was her way of dealing with what had happened and he had to let her do it. Getting back to his feet, he gave her hand one more squeeze before letting go and walking away. 

Taking a deep breath, Felicity turned back to the screen and brought up the names again. There were so many, but she had to know.

She didn’t know how long she had been going through the list when one of the names caught her attention. For some reason, it sounded familiar. Her heart started beating faster when she realized that she actually might know one of the victims. She couldn’t place the name, but she knew that she had to know them. Bringing up another window, she started typing, searching for the name in question. Why did it sound so familiar? When she finally found the records she was looking for, her eyes opened wide as her hand came up to cover her mouth.

“No… no… no…” With shaking hands she went back to the victim list and checked a little more. When she saw another name, she let out a gasp as both hands came up to cover her mouth.

“No… no… no…” Her unsteady hands went to her desk again as she stood up on shaky feet. When she pushed back from her desk, her hand accidentally swiped across a coffee mug, sending it crashing to the floor. She didn’t even seem to notice as she backed away, finding it difficult to remain on her feet. Grabbing onto one of the railings, she turned and leaned on it heavily, trying to control her breathing. This couldn’t be happening.

The sound of the breaking mug got Oliver’s attention as he quickly made his way back to the command center. When he saw Felicity leaning against the railing, having trouble breathing, he quickly made his way over to her. 

“Felicity!”

When he put his hand on her back, she suddenly jerked away, looking at him with terror filled eyes. He could see the anguish on her face and all he wanted to do was wrap her into his arms and hold her, but every time he took a step towards her, she would back away.

“I’m so sorry,” she said softly, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. Tears were streaming down her face as she looked at him in horror. “I’m so sorry…”

Oliver looked at her in confusion as he tried to reach for her again, but this time, she didn’t just pull away. Sobbing uncontrollably, she turned and ran out of the command center, heading further down into the bunker. Oliver almost took off after her, but he wanted to find out what had caused her to break down first. Turning back to the computers, he walked over and saw the list of names from Havenrock as well as a window that appeared to be from a government agency. One of the names on the Havenrock list was highlighted and he noticed that the name was the one she had searched for on the other screen. Moving the mouse to the other window, he clicked on a link that would bring up the person’s photo. When the image appeared, he felt his heart drop into his stomach as he felt his knees start to buckle beneath him. Looking back to the list of victims, he saw that there was another person with the same last name on the list. He didn’t need to use a search to find out who that was. He already knew. Feeling like he was going to collapse, he reached back for Felicity’s chair. He managed to grab the arm rest, but when he fell back, the chair moved and he ended up collapsing onto the floor as the chair wheeled away.

* * *

Felicity pulled her arms around her legs as she sat huddled into a corner behind the cots. She wanted to leave, but she knew he was probably still out there. How could she face him now? He would never forgive her. There’s no way he could ever forgive her. After everything they had been through, she knew there was no going back from this. She would loose him forever and there was nothing she could do to make it right.

She knew what she had to do. She just had to wait until he left. Then she would pack up her things and leave, never to return. How could she stay now? Seeing her would just be a reminder of what had happened. Squeezing her arms tighter, she rocked against the wall as she tried to keep her sobs quiet. She didn’t want him hearing her. She just had to wait.

“Felicity…”

Hearing his broken voice caused her to bury her face in her knees and hug her legs tighter. She couldn’t look at him, not after what she had done. Why was he there? How could he even say her name?

When she heard his footsteps getting closer, she tried to curl up into an even smaller ball, but there was only so far she could go. She tensed when she heard him get closer. She didn’t want him to touch her. She didn’t deserve to be touched.

“It’s not your fault.”

Felicity pulled her face from her arms slightly, just so that she could look at him. He was squatting down in front of her, looking at her with compassion. She didn’t deserve his compassion. His eyes were red, probably from fighting back his tears. He was trying to be strong for her. She didn’t deserve it.

“How can you say that?” she whispered, keeping her face buried in her arms. “I killed them.”

Oliver’s eyes closed as he fought to contain his emotions, but she saw the tear slide down his face. There was no way he couldn’t be affected by this. Not even Oliver Queen could buried those kinds of feelings.

“No, you didn’t,” he said emphatically as he opened his eyes again. “Damien Darhk did.”

“I should have sent it somewhere else,” she told him. “Anywhere else. Just… not there.”

“Felicity, you didn’t know they were there,” he reminded her as another tear slipped from his eye. “No one knew where they were.”

“I did,” she said softly. “I was… tracking them. Keeping an eye on them. Then when everything started to happen, I lost track of them. I was trying to make sure they were safe. I wanted to make sure they were safe and I… I…”

Oliver didn’t hold back this time as he reached out and grabbed her arms, forcing them away from her legs. Kneeling in front of her, he pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her to his chest.

“Shhh… It’s ok.”

“How can you say that?” she asked, her voice barely audible. She began to fight his embrace, but he wouldn’t let her pull away. “How can you even be around me? I killed them!”

Oliver had had enough. Releasing her from his embrace, he reached down and cupped her face in both of his hands, not letting her turn from him. His eyes were red and tear streaks lined his face, but he was going to make her listen.

“You did not kill them,” he told her. “You need to stop saying that. If Damien Darhk hadn’t launched those missiles, you wouldn’t have had to try to divert them. This was not your fault!”

Felicity sobbed again as she reached up to grasp his wrists. “How can you say that? How can you even look at me?”

Oliver let out a sigh as he reached one of his hands up to brush her hair back from her face. “Felicity, I love you.”

“How can you love someone who killed your son?”

“You didn’t…” Oliver had to stop before he broke down. Losing his son was bad enough. There was no way he was going to let Felicity take the blame for it. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. His control over his emotions was wearing very thin, but he had to keep it together for her. When he opened his eyes again, a tear slid down his face causing Felicity’s face to fall even farther.

“It… wasn’t… you,” he finally managed to get out, struggling with every word. “Please… don’t do this to yourself.”

Felicity shook her head as she reached over to cup his face. Oliver closed his eyes and leaned into her hand before bringing his up to cover hers. She didn’t know how he could do it. He had just found out that his son had been killed and he was still there, trying to make her feel better. She knew he had to be in so much pain, but he was keeping it buried inside, just so that she would feel better. She was being selfish, just thinking about her own pain and guilt and there he was, still thinking about her. As she rubbed her thumb across his face, he opened his eyes and looked at her. It was time for her to be there for him.

“I’m so sorry, Oliver,” she said softly.

Oliver’s control over his emotions finally broke down as he reached over and pulled her towards him. From their position on the floor, they couldn’t get very close, but he needed to feel her as close as he could. Getting a little more up on his knees, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he held her close, trying not to fall apart like he felt like doing. He needed her more now than he ever did and he just hoped she wouldn’t pull away.

Felicity held onto him, gently stroking the back of his head with her hands. “I’m here,” she said softly as she felt him grip her tighter. “It’s ok. I’ve got you.”

It was only after hearing her words that it finally sunk in. He had sent his son and his mother off to be safe. Had they stayed in Central City, they would still be alive. Yet again, his actions had caused someone close to him to die.

“I should have never sent him away.” Felicity sighed as she pulled back, causing him to look at her with sad eyes. “He never knew I was his father.”

“But you knew him,” Felicity told him, gently touching his face. “And you loved him. That’s enough.”

“I wish you could have gotten to know him,” Oliver told her, with a sad smile on his face. “He really was an amazing kid.”

Taking his hands in hers, Felicity sat back down cross-legged as she pulled him to sit near her. “Tell me about him.”

Oliver sighed as he settled down and leaned back against the wall. Felicity just listened as he told her about the times he had gone to see his son in Central City. The smile on his face when he spoke about him was enough to let her know that he loved his son. When she saw that he was getting more emotional again, she just squeezed his hand, letting him know that she was still there. She would always be there for him, just like he would always be there for her.


End file.
